Feeling worried can be a scary time for everyone no matter how old you are. Sometimes it can feel very overwhelming, like your thoughts are swirling around your head, similar to you shaking a jar full of glitter.

Learn to recognise your worries.

Worries can feel different to everyone. Here are some examples: stomach ache, shaky, having bad dreams, struggling to sleep, feeling angry or upset, crying. Noticing what your worried feel like makes it easier to identify when something is making you worried. It will help you know when you ask for help from an adult or to do an activity which will ease that feeling.

Techniques to use when you feel worried.

Create a worry jar/box
Decorate a jar, and write down a worry when it comes into your head, place it in the worry jar, and close it tightly. Here the worry can live forever, and not bother you. Alternatively, you can keep a journal and write your worries down there. You could also talk to someone you trust about your worry.

Calming exercises when you are feeling overwhelmed
Sometimes our worries can make us very upset, and confused. This may mean we may breathe quicker, find it difficult to concentrate or talk to others. This might mean you need to do something to ease this feeling. There are many different techniques to try. Some examples include, tracing your fingers, counting to ten or taking 3 deep breaths in for 4 seconds and out for 6 seconds. Do you have any activities that already help you when you are feeling worried?

Prevent becoming overwhelmed
Imagine an empty bucket under a tap. Throughout your day, things happen which can make up feel worried or stressed. Each time they do, imagine a drip falls from the tap into the bucket. Over a week, more things will have happened causing you to feel worries, so by now the bucket will become quite full, or even over flowing. It is important to stop your bucket from overflowing. Taking a break or doing small activities such as walk outside nature, listening to music, and having a bath can reduce your worries. These activities act as holes in the bottom of the bucket, making the water pour at the bottom of the bucket. Can you think of any other ways you can stop your glass overflowing? Check out this website which describes the stress bucket in more detail https://thewellbeingdoctor.uk/the-stress-bucket/

Books
There are lots of books that are great at explaining worries, and how you can overcome them. Some examples include ‘The huge bag of worries, Ruby finds a worry, Hey Warrior’

Apps
There are some apps that can be used to support calming techniques. For example, ‘Chill Panda, Stress and Anxiety companion’,

Anger is a very powerful feeling. It can make your heart race, make you feel really hot and your body can become very tense. It can also make some people cry, shout, hit things or be unkind to others.

Learning to recognise what emotion you are feeling

Anger can sometimes hide other emotions that we are feeling. For example, when we are worried or sad it may make us feel angry. This makes it tricky to cope with. Talking with an adult about why you feel angry can be useful in working out what emotion we are feeling. You can also check out this feelings wheel which shows you how emotions are linked together.

Learning to recognise what makes you angry

Now that you recognise what anger is. There are many different reasons that might you feel angry. For example, plans suddenly changing, feeling like you aren’t being listened to, or some noises or sounds. The list can be endless. Writing down and tracking what makes you angry can be very useful. You can use this to communicate with others about why you feel this way, and work on reducing your triggers.

What you can do when you feel angry

There will be times where you can not avoid things that make you angry. It is important to develop way to control your angry feeling. Below are some ways you can try:

Calming exercises.
There are many different techniques to try which help us to calm down before dealing with the upsetting situations. Some examples include going for a walk, taking a small break in a private space, counting to ten or squeezing a squeeze toy. You can even talk to a trusted adult Do you have any activities that already help you when you are feeling angry?

Books
There are lots of books that are great at explaining anger and how you can manage it. These include ‘Ravi’s Roar, The Lion Inside, The Red Beast’

Apps
There are some apps that can be used to support calming techniques. For example, ‘Chill Panda, Cove, Thrive and Calm’

Everyone has trouble getting to sleep from time to time. There can be lots of reasons that might cause this. For example, maybe you are excited for something to happen like your birthday or a holiday. Other times it can be because we are worried about something, like starting school after the summer holidays. It is completely normal to experience this. However, there are some things we can try to help.

  • Create a good bed time routine
  • Having a bath or shower to get ready of bed can be very relaxing and help us settle easier
  • Not watching tv, playing games and limiting screen time for an hour before bed is important to help our brains rest before trying to get some sleep
  • Reading or having someone read a story to you before bed can be relaxing
  • Practising mindfulness before bed can settle your worries. There are self guided apps for this. Visit our worries page for more information.

It’s a normal for children to experience parent separation anxieties when they grow up. It is a normal part of development for them to become upset. However, it can be a difficult period for both parents and the child to go through.

Here are some tips you can try to ease the process:

  1. Leaving your child with another care giver from brief periods at a time, you can do this by sitting across the room. Gradually increase the time and distance for the child to adapt to the new situation.
  2. Develop a goodbye routine. This can be as simple as a goodbye wave, a goodbye kiss or a special handshake. This allows your child reassurance about what is going to happen. The key is to keep this short/quick.
  3. When leaving your child, tell them you are leaving, and that you will return. Keep this swift and do not delay or make this longer than it needs to be
  4. Follow through with your promises. This is important for your child to develop trust with you, so return at the time you say you will.
  5. Try not to give in. Reassure your child that they will be happy and safe. Continue setting limits to allow your child to adjust to separation.

If your child’s anxieties around separation continues for longer periods and is impacting your child’s life such as avoiding activities, your child maybe experiencing separation anxiety disorder. This may include, irrational fears that something will happen to the loved one when they leave; refusal to go to school; reluctance to go to school; clingy to parents’ legs; physical sickness like a headache or tummy ache. This can be helped with things such as talking therapies, play therapy, school counselling, family counselling. If your child is currently experiencing any of the above symptoms. Contact your GP for advice.

Here are some strategies to implement for separation anxiety disorder:

  1. Encourage talking about your feeling.
  2. Practice relaxation
  3. Practice a good sleep routine
  4. Eat well, and exercise regularly

Supporting your child in school

  • contact your school, and inform them of the struggled your child is facing. See if they are implementing a safe person/safe place for your child to go to when they enter the school.
  • small notes from your in their lunch or pencil case is a great way of reassuring your child.
  • reward your children’s efforts when going to school

Parental separation including divorce is an emotional time for all that are involved. Each family break down is unique however most children and young people will experience similar behaviours and feelings of grief and loss, even if they feel it is a good thing e.g. violence.

There are things you can do to support your child through this process:

  1. Put your child’s feelings first above the feelings of the adults involved.
  2. Maintain a good relationship between the child and both parents, make sure your child is not stuck in the middle.
  3. Encourage your child to be apart of discussions, ask questions, and ensure their feelings are being heard in decisions
  4. Avoid showing your child direct confrontation between parents
  5. Provide reassurance and support, allow your child to open up to you. Demonstrate that it is not their fault for the break up, and that the feelings they are feeling are normal.
  6. It is normal for your child’s behaviour to change during this time. In addition, it’s important to understand that maintain good discipline, highlight to your child what is acceptable and what is not, and find alternative ways of expressing challenging emotions.
  7. Sticking to a routine, the same time, and day is important at developing stability.
  8. In necessary, seek professional advice.

For more information, and feel parent guide of separation and divorce which provides information of additional services, visit https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/divorce/

Losing someone how to close to you at any age is a very difficult time. For a child this can be harder for them to understand. The charity Child Bereavement UK, offers lots of advice and understanding how difficult age groups understand and process death. https://www.childbereavementuk.org/information-childrens-understanding-of-death

In addition, this website also offers support for parents/carers who are grieving alongside their children. Also, on the young person’s page there are young people’s experiences which are shared to offer support. https://www.childbereavementuk.org/young-peoples-experiences

In Medway, there is a service offered called Holding on and Letting go. https://holdingonlettinggo.org.uk/

This service supports children and young people with the death of a loved one. You can self refer a child on their website. They offer weekend support groups for children and parent and carer support groups.

It is important to consider parents and carers emotional wellbeing during period of grief. Medway talking therapies offer free counselling sessions to help support your wellbeing, which in turn will support you in supporting the child’s. Visit their website for more information and to book an appointment. https://www.everyturn.org/talking-therapies/locations/medway/

Challenging behaviour is defined by the NHS if the behaviours if it is putting themselves, or others are risk, or reducing quality of life. It can include things like, destructiveness, aggression, self harm, disruptiveness. It can impact their abilities to join in during everyday activities.

As the child’s carer, it is key to understand why the child might be acting this way. There could be significant life events such a parental separation/divorce, health issues which might cause the child to be in pain. They also could be more simply feelings such as boredom or feeling anxious. Observing the child’s behaviours is key in preventing protentional outbursts. For example, stimulating your child with activities like fidget toys, or colouring when you suspect they may become bored. The important thing to remember is that the child’s behaviour is their attempt in communicating with you. It is key to remain calm even when behaviours are displayed. In other cases, disruptive behaviours may be an attempt for them to get your attention. In this case try not to directly react to their behaviours, but communicate with the child. Do not ignore your child.

In some cases, challenging behaviours may be linked to learning disabilities, to special educational needs. You can contact your GP for advice, or contact the child’s school to speak with the school nurse.

For more advice please visit https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/caring-for-children-and-young-people/how-to-deal-with-challenging-behaviour-in-children/

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